Renfrew’s Rant: Fantasy Football pt 2: Masters Team

By Chris Renfrew

18620_10151517773645620_680959291_nLast week I did my football team with today’s stars, this week I will do my Masters (legends) team

Goalkeeper: The Undertaker (1997)
At seven foot tall, unbelievable balance, agility and leaping ability, the Phenom is a natural athlete who I’m sure could have turned his hand to any sport. In goals he would be terrifying! Imagine that monster thundering towards you in a 50/50 challenge, even Roy Keane would drop a brick in that situation!

Left Back: Tito Santana
Reliable be thy name! Tito is a classic case of the journeyman wrestler who always did what was asked of him, and never had any complaints. Reliable and dependable as well as extremely mobile, Tito could be trusted to keep the left flank covered. And who knows? Maybe he could translate that flying forearm smash into a “Hand of God” style goal.

Right Back: The Model Rick Martel
On the right side we have his former Strike Force partner Rick Martel. He would be in my squad not only because of his talents and skills, but because you know all the companies would endorse him, Adidas, Gillette ect he is a model after all, a great player and great earner for the squad to boot.

Centre Back: Roadwarrior Hawk
For over a decade, nobody got past the LOD unscathed. That would be the case on the field as well. Pure power Hawk would be no selling fouls and stiffing folks all over the place! Lionel who? No chance wee man, SNAP!

Centre Back: Roadwarrior Animal
See above, Animal is the more even tempered of the two but no less devastating. The LOD in defence!? In the words of Zandig JESUS!!!!!!

Defensive Midfield (captain): Roddy Piper
The Rowdy one could possibly be the only man with the chat (and balls) to boss this group around. Piper went 18 years without being beat clean, I get the feeling he wouldn’t let anyone get past him clean. And can you imagine his chat in the locker room? That would be some proper William Wallace FREEDOM! Shit right there!

Left Midfield: The Ultimate Warrior
Intensity personified!!!! A huge dude that just keeps on running, FOREVER! He would probably only cross one out of ten crosses into the box but hell it would be worth it! RUN JIM RUN!!!!!!!!

Right Midfield: Owen Hart
Every locker room needs a prankster. Owen was the biggest ribber in wrestling history, let’s have him cause havoc in the locker room! In the ring Owen had it all, speed, strength, balance and style and for me he would translate this onto the field.

Attacking Midfield: Shawn Michaels
I’d probably regret this signing as he would give any manager a nightmare with his attitude, but when he’s on he’s the best around. Fast and silky smooth HBK would cause defence all sorts of problems. Problem is, bit of a diver.”Get up Shawn your knees fine, less of this lost smile pish ,go jog it off!”

Centre Forward: Bret Hart
The Excellence of Execution. What a great name for a striker! That what Bret would be, my precision striker, calm and composed, deadly in front of goal, but may have issues getting the ball from my cocky attacking midfielder

Centre Forward: Curt “Mr Perfect” Hennig
You don’t get called Mr Perfect because you sometimes get things right….flawless baby! Hennig also always worked brilliantly with Hart so the partnership of the two up front would cause all sorts of issues. I’ve also just realised that the other big ribber of wrestling is in my locker room….shenanigans!

Subs:
Centre Forward: Rick Rude – Tall and lean with precision and accuracy, Rick Rude would be great man to get the ball to up front

Defensive Midfield: Brian Pillman – A fearless pitbull who would give nothing up without a fight, this is of course before his ankle injury

Centre Back: Ron Simmons – See LOD

Centre Back – Bradashaw – Same again

Midfield/Defense – Arn Anderson – My utility player who could slot into pretty much any position and play well.

It’s all just a bit of fun, here’s my Legends football team. I can envision how it would all go down….. Great save by The Undertaker denying the goal, passes to Tito, he is pressured by the strikers, but the presense of LOD makes them back off,Tito to Piper who passes to Warrior, who starts running as fast as he can, he leaves the ball behind him and keeps running, luckily picked up by Shawn Michaels, Bret is free in the box, but HBK either doesn’t see him or ignores him and passed to Hennig, he takes it round one, round two a a cheeky chip over the keeper…..GOAL!!!

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