Renfrews Rant: Living in Kayfabe
Living in Kayfabe
By Chris Renfrew
I miss kayfabe. I miss the feeling of thinking everyone was actually their characters all the time. I always remember when I was a kid, about 6 years old, and my aunty said she was on a flight with those “American Wrestlers”. This blew my mind, how could the LOD, Jake Roberts and The Big Boss Man be on the same plane without all hell breaking lose! It’s like when you used to get the old WWF Royal Rumble pictures, the old animated ones with the 30 contestants. I always thought “Man, they could smash THE WORLD!, gulf war? Pfft send that crew over and we will have that sorted in a few hours!”. The superheroes of wrestling, how I miss that point of view.
It got me thinking, what if people were actually their gimmicks? What if the characters they portrayed were actually who they are, let’s look at that…
To start with Papa Shango would have won the title back in 1992 and would STILL be champion! He knows voodoo after all! Any time he is struggling he could just set his opponents feet on fire or make his head swell up with evil green puss till it pops, he has the power to do that! Even if we sent the undead zombie warrior known as The Undertaker after him, witch doctors control the dead, so he would have the Undertaker under his power as his undead zombie warrior! How unstoppable is that! Then we have the Big Bossman, what a bastard! A corrupt cop who will make you eat your own dog! And poor Al Snow he’s no right in the head, he doesn’t need that type of pressure hanging over him, it’s too much!
Real world problems should be resolved using a wrestling mentality. You have Mad Bin Laden before he was written out of the story, rather than a military operation to end this dispute, FLAG MATCH! Obama Vs Bin Laden, each flag in each corner the winner climbs it and gets to wave their flag, easy and millions didn’t need to die to achieve it! Boss giving you a hard time? Nothing a quick superkick can’t fix, then drop his ass through the table I QUIT BITCH! It’s okay though, you can keep your job, but only if you can defeat THE BEZERKER!
Weddings would be much more exciting! Instead of the usual vows, wedding then after party blah blah it would be more like “ if anyone feels these two should be not be joined in Holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace…” LIGHTS OFF! Back on IT’S THE SANDMAN!!!! He sets about the bride and groom and then tans a cold one, and we all cheer!
Everyone is so knowledgeable and “smart” about wrestling these days, I think we forget to get lost in the fantasy world of wrestling, slow down and let kayfabe take over it’s much more fun! Now if you will excuse me Stone Cold is waiting for me in the pickup truck, those Nation of Domination guys are getting lippy and threw Steve’s belt into the river, and we can’t be having none of that!
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